Weigh Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why is a fish easy to weigh? Because it has its own scales!
Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it`s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-- Sauce unknown
> A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
> >
> > "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
> >
> > "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns.
> > "It is not polite."
> >
> > "Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
> >
> > "Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are
> > really none of your business."
> >
> > Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
> >
> > "That is enough questions, honestly!"
> >
> > The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
> >
> > "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
> >
> > "Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers
> > more...
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at more...
An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said,' I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales.'
The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied,' Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son.'
A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”
“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”
“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card-it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”
The mother is more...
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?" "Yup, shore am!" "How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Ten pounds." The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds." The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"