Weight Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties. Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses Strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. -------------------------------Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find more...
This is an accident report which appeared in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the report... a true story.
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building. at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and more...
A team of doctors have been trying to help Nicole Richie and her "inability" to gain weight. After days of confusion, the team of nutrition specialists concluded that she should eat foods rather than cocaine and vodka.
Hansa And Praful Were Husband And Wives. Hansa Was Overweight. Praful Remembering His Old Days Said When For First Time I Went
To Saw Hansa She Was So Slim That She Was Like A Pencil. And 2 Days Before When She Stood Up On Railway Weight Machine The
Nessage Came, Please Come One By One And Check Your Weight
A fellow is ordered by his doctor to lose a minimum of 75 pounds because of the serious health risks involved with being so overweight. Baffled as to how on earth he was ever going to be able to accomplish this, he runs across an ad in the newspaper for a 'Guaranteed Weight Loss Program'.
Skeptical, but desperate, he calls them and subscribes to the 3 day/10 lb weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock on his door and when he answers it, standing before him is a a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 20 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign around her neck reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without giving it a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they finish, she leaves and he thinks to himself, "I really more...
The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant. "Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week." The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple. "Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't any milk!" "Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"