Weight Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her.
He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there's any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.
He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl.
The bowl is full of butter.
Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde... yeah right...
1. Who do want to be most like in life:
A. Vanna White
B. Michelle Fiefer
C. Britney Spears
E. None of the Above
2. In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A. Run when you see the seeker
B. Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C. Run when the seeker sees you
E. Follow the seeker quietly
3. What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A. You loose alot of weight
B. Gain weight
C. Get really smart
D. Loose your memory
4. How do you kill a bird:
A. Hit it
B. Throw it off a building
C. Cook it
D. All of the above
5. What's an important question about pregnancy
A. Is it mine
B. How far along am I
C. Is it a boy or girl
D. What hospital should I go to for delivery
Don't read them this more...
Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde…yeah right…
1. Who do want to be most like in life:
A. Vanna White
B. Michelle Fiefer
C. Britney Spears
E. None of the Above
2. In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A. Run when you see the seeker
B. Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C. Run when the seeker sees you
E. Follow the seeker quietly
3. What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A. You loose alot of weight
B. Gain weight
C. Get really smart
D. Loose your memory
4. How do you kill a bird:
A. Hit it
B. Throw it off a building
C. Cook it
D. All of the above
5. What’s an important question about pregnancy
A. Is it mine
B. How far along am I
C. Is it a boy or girl
D. What hospital should I go to for delivery
Don’t read them this more...
A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskey sours, drinks them down BAM! BAM! BAM! Then he orders three more. The bartender's having a slow night and appreciates the business, but is also concerned.
"Hey buddy, slow down. What seems to be the problem?"
The guy answers, "I went on a week-long business trip, and had to leave my wife alone. I've had my suspicions about our next-door neighbor, so I hung a weight from the bottom of the bedspring just above a bowl of cream."
The bartender nods sympathetically and pours the guy another. "So you came home and found cream on the weight?"
The guy downs his fourth whiskey sour and says, "It's worse than that. The cream had turned into butter."
Element name: WOMAN.
Symbol: WO.
Atomic weight:' Don't even go there'.
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element: MAN.
Symbol: XY.
Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct more...
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* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally. . . scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. more...