Weight Jokes / Recent Jokes
* If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
* The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet.
* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
* The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
* It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
* You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
* Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
* Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
* Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?
* Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
* In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows more...
Element name: WOMAN. Symbol: WO. Atomic weight:' Don't even go there'. Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element: MAN. Symbol: XY. Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50). Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to more...
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," the woman replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk.
Chemical analysis of human elementsElement name: WOMAN.Symbol: WO.Atomic weight: `Don`t even go there`.Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turnsslightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.Element: MAN.Symbol: XY.Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.Chemical more...
A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet? The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote "your exact weight" on the paper.
One day there was a weight lifter, a priest, and an army general in a plane. It was going down so the pilot told them each to throw one thing out. So the army guy threw out a grenade, the priest threw out a bible, and the weight lifter threw out a weight. The plane was still falling so the three men jumped off. Tey landed safely and started walking down the street talking about what just happened. When they saw a man crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said he got hit in the head with a weight. The men felt sorry, but nonetheless kept walking. This time they saw a little girl praying in the middle of the street. They asked her why she was praying, and she said she got hit in the head with a bible, and that it was a sign from above. They kept on walking. this time they saw a little boy laughing hysterically. they asked him why, and he said he farted and his house blew up.
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.