Welfare Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead. This is my ninth child. What are you going to do about it? Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows for sure. I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see. My husband got his project cut more...

The following are excerpts from actual letters received by the welfare department of an unnamed state. "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. "I had seven but one died which was baptized on half a sheet of paper." "I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?" "Mrs. Jackson has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy." "I cannot get sick pay, I have six children. Can you tell me why?" "I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead." "This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?" "Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows." "I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my son illegitimate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born." "In answer to your letter, more...

'Twas the night before Christmas ( White House Style )

'Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed
after locking out Mr. Kennedy and the dirty thoughts in his head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy' twas Gingrich and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice more...

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Once upon a time, on a farm in Arkansas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?""Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose."Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain."Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen."Not I," said the duck."Out of my classification," said the pig."I'd lose my welfare," said the cow."I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose."Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the more...