Forwarding Jokes

Examples of unclear writing. Sentences taken from actual letters received by the Local Welfare Department from applicants.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one was baptized on half a sheet of paper.
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who was missing, is dead.
This is my eigth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I now live with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son as illeterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this more...

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it. Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was more...

[This is an original creation except as noted below]
[For the occassional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online
has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with
magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals
etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest
in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Things to do about all of your AOL disks.
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun. [copied from
a signature seen on the net.]
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like
Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out
of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download
enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop
until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining
unactivated disks for backup more...

The following are excerpts from actual letters received by the welfare department of an unnamed state. "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. "I had seven but one died which was baptized on half a sheet of paper." "I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?" "Mrs. Jackson has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy." "I cannot get sick pay, I have six children. Can you tell me why?" "I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead." "This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?" "Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows." "I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my son illegitimate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born." "In answer to your letter, more...

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead. This is my ninth child. What are you going to do about it? Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows for sure. I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see. My husband got his project cut more...