Payments Jokes

Santa on Trial
You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
Failing to equip your more...

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."
"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!"
"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

IDIOTS AT PLAY... A TRUE REPORT HEARD OVER THE RADIO...

A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30, 000 and has $400+
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the
lakes are frozen. These two guys go to the lake with the guns, the dog,
the beer, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice
and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area
for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a
hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down
and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole
drill. So, out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration not to place
the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location where they are standing
(and the new Grand Cherokee), more...

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."
"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!"
"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!""Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"