Payments Jokes / Recent Jokes

IDIOTS AT PLAY... A TRUE REPORT HEARD OVER THE RADIO...

A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30, 000 and has $400+
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the
lakes are frozen. These two guys go to the lake with the guns, the dog,
the beer, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice
and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area
for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a
hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down
and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole
drill. So, out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration not to place
the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location where they are standing
(and the new Grand Cherokee), more...

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can`t do anything until he knows.

I am very much annoyed to find out that you more...

A man bought a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30-some thousand dollars with $400+ dollar monthly
payments. He immediately got hold of his friend and they went to do some male bonding. They went duck
hunting... and of course, all the lakes are frozen.
The two went to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drove
out onto the lake ice and got ready. Now, they wanted to make some kind of a natural landing area for
the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck would want to fly down and land on, it is going
to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the new Grand Cherokee came the new owner, the friend, the dog, and a stick of dynamite
with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists did take into consideration that if they
placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a more...

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it. Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was more...

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the U.S. to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.
- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
- I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
- Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
- I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?
- I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
- Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.
- I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. more...

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."
"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "it sounds like leasing a new sports car!"
"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering.""Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.""My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "it sounds like leasing a new sports car!""Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"