Wet Jokes / Recent Jokes

How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body more...

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.... Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette. Man: "Oh thank you so much!" Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!" Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out,
but there
is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet,
but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still
feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your
butt
and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done
poopie-ing and
you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you
have to poopie some more.
POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD
POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you
practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge
you're afraid
to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with> the toilet
brush.
GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone> within earshot more...

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says. "Where can I buy one?" he is asked. Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says. "I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money. I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday morrow OK? "Sure." The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news." I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead. The city feller says just give me my money back then. "Can't, spent it already!" "Well... unload the mule then." "What ya gonna do with him?" "Raffle him off!" "Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!" "Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tri cks." One month goes by and the city feller and more...

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It`s not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It`s not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It`s not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you`ve had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you`ve had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask more...

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.
A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.
“Where can I buy one? ” he is asked.
Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.
“I’ll take him, ” says the other man as he counts out the money.
I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday morrow OK?
“Sure. ”
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “sorry, bad news. ”
I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.
The city feller says just give me my money back then.
“Can’t, spent it already! ”
“Well… unload the mule then. ”
“What ya gonna do with him? ”
“Raffle him off! ”
“Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule! ”
“Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks. ”
One month more...

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands.