Wheat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upone a time, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat.
She called her neighbors and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
Not I," said the cow.
Not I," said the duck.
Not I," said the pig.
Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen.
And she did. The wheat grew tall and repened into golden grain.
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen, and she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red more...

Once upon a time, on a farm in Arkansas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?" "Not I," said the cow. "Not I," said the duck. "Not I," said the pig. "Not I," said the goose. "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen. "Not I," said the duck. "Out of my classification," said the pig. "I'd lose my welfare," said the cow. "I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose. "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the more...

This is a script I wrote for our campus humor paper. So copyright me,
and the Koala, and the Regents, and I printed it first so if you copy
it I can sue you for imaginary damages.
(Scene: The inside of a restaurant. As people eat, the announcer walks in
from the left and faces the camera.)
Announcer: Tonight, we are here at the Platinum Penguin
restaurant in Beverly Hills, where we've secretly
replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with sand
and ground-up clam shells. Here's what they thought.
(Cut to table #1. Man sips the coffee and spits it out all over his wife.
Cut to table #2. Woman sips coffee and starts gagging. Cut to inside
kitchen. The cook, screaming, pours the coffee out all over the floor. Cut
to table #1, where couple is trying to recover)
Announcer: You're right! (Couple looks at announcer as he puts
can of coffee on table) This isn't real coffee, it's...
Forgers!
(Fade to black.)
(Scene: The more...

One Surd was driving down an old country road when he spots
another Surd in a wheat field rowing a boat. He pulls over to the
side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, he stands at the side of the road to watch the
woman for a while. When he could not stand it any more, he called out to the Surd in
the field, "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle
of the field?"
The Surd in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an
ocean of wheat."
The Surd standing on the side of the road is furious. He yells at
the Surd in the field, "It is Antartians like you that give the rest of
us a bad name." The Antartian in the field just shrugged her shoulders
and began rowing again.
The Surd on the side of the road was beside himself and shook
his fist at Surd in the field yelling, "If I could swim, I would come
out there and drag you in!!!"

Once upon a time, on a farm in Arkansas. . . . . . there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her neighbors together and said, “If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it? ”"Not I, ” said the cow. ”Not I, ” said the duck. ”Not I, ” said the pig. ”Not I, ” said the goose. ”Then I will do it by myself, ” said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. “Who will help me reap my wheat? ” asked the little red hen.
”Not I, ” said the duck. ”Out of my classification, ” said the pig. ”I’d lose my seniority, ” said the cow. ”I’d lose my unemployment compensation, ” said the goose. ”Then I will do it by myself, ” said the little red hen, and so she did. At last it came time to bake the bread. “Who will help me bake the bread? ” asked the little red hen. ”That would more...

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a checkfor $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want togo into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind offarm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not toraise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keepingwith all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raiserazorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I wouldjust as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping anaccurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of thebusiness. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and thebest he ever made on them was $442.00 in 1968, until this year when hegot your check for $1,000.00 for not raising hogs. If I get $1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000.00 more...

Just outside of Wichita, a 21-year old farm boy was driving a grain
harvester across his winter wheat field to collect the crop. This particular piece of farm equipment has huge rotating blades that cut down the wheat stalks. At some point during the harvesting, the driver's cowboy hat was blown off by the wind and hurtled some distance in front of the blades.

Thinking that the tractor was not moving fast enough to warrant stopping -- or perhaps just not thinking at all -- he jumped down and ran in front of the tractor to collect his hat. It was still being blown around by the wind, and after chasing it for a bit, he finally caught up with it. Meanwhile, the harvester had caught up with him, and his body was found scattered across the wheat field.

Local authorities were contacted by a neighbor who noticed the tractor crossing Highway 96 with no driver.