Wheel Jokes / Recent Jokes

How To Identify Where A Driver Is From One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: Riverside Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand constantly refocusing the rearview mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the more...

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8. 5 inches. That's an
exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in
England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the
same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs
and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other
spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the
spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit more...

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did ''they'' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used more...

An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California With gun in lap: L. A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male One hand more...

"Take the wheel, Harry!" said the nervous lady driver. "There's a tree coming straight for us!"