Wheel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man was boasting about his strength to his friend while they were doing yardwork together. The friend challenged him, "I'll bet I acn wheel this wheelbarrow across the street with a load in it that you can't wheel back."

"You're on," said the strong man.

"What's your load going to be?"

"Get in," said his friend.

Santa: tell me what is in my hands. i will not tell you that i have buttons. Banta: pl give hint morron: it is round in shape and have four holes. Banta: wheel of a truck.

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most more...

What if people bought cars like they buy computers? General Motors
doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But imagine if
they did...
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!"
Helpline: "Did you put the key in the ignition and
turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Helpline: "It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come
I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
Helpline: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: more...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a
fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well
with pizza. -Dave Barry
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
-Lazarus Long, 'Time Enough For Love'
Apparently a new galaxy is being formed or something. But
what it is, is they have discovered a huge cloud of dust
out there. And scientists believe if they could look and
see under the dust, they would find an enormous exercise
bicycle. -Bill Maher
I went on a diet but I had to go on two diets at the same
time because one wasn't giving me enough food. -Barry Marter
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30
years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The
original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three more...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer. Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. Catherine

Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class. Oscar more...

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says to the man, "Hey guy, you've got a steering wheel down your pants."
The guy replies "Yeah I know. Its driving me nuts!"