Wheel Jokes / Recent Jokes

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone in lap, brick on
accelerator: California*
* with gun also in lap: L.A.
Both hands on top of wheel, one foot on brake, watching pedestrians
cross against the light: San Francisco
One hand on the wheel, one hand drumming (with drum stick) on the
dash board, Lap top on top of the Dashboard, left foot tapping, right
foot on the accelerator, head bobbing from side to side: Silicon
Valley, listening to KEZR
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in
terror: Ohio, but driving in Boston.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned
to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
Both hands praying to Gates, knee on wheel, cradling cell phone in
lap, foot on brake, mind more...

Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.

The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease, sometimes it gets replaced.

Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire.
The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened.
Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.
Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.
The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?
"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing...
"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...

Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire.The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened.Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing... "You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8. 5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. more...

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of this incident...
Back in his party days, Dubya got behind the wheel after a few too many. He started the car and stepped on the gas. He was driving for a while, when suddenly a white ghost face appeared in the window. George saw it and began screaming.
He stepped on the gas harder, but the face floated right in the window. George floored it - the speedometer read 110mph but the face did not disappear. A white hands gestured for him to roll down the window. Not knowing what else to do, he rolled it down slowly.
The wrinkled old face smiled and said, "Do you want help getting out of the mud?"