Whenever Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Whenever answering the phone, and its for your boss, say "He's under
his desk screwing his secretary. Can I take a message?"
2. Strip off all your clothes. Complain about how hot it is in the
office, regardless of the temperature
3. When your boss is on the phone scream "Dammit! I'm expecting a call!!
Stay off the phone!!"
4. If your boss bumps into you, start screaming sexual harassment. Talk
in great lengths about the state laws on harassment. Get the authorites
involved. Threaten to sue.
5. Sleep with your boss's daughter. Videotape it. Pass out copies around
the office. Brag about how easy she was.
6. Steal various office equipment (pencils, staplers, desks). Frame your
boss for it.
7. When asked to do something start laughing hysterically. Continue this
for five minutes. Calm down and say, "Oh, you were being serious?"
8. Loosen the bolts on the boss's chair. Laugh loudly more...

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the it to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.9. Use Interactive Send to more...

Four old college friends were having coffee. The first, a Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is now a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic lady says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth woman, a Jewish lady, sipped her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
So she replies, "My son is 6' 6".. he has plenty of money... broad square shoulders... terribly handsome... dresses very well... tight muscular body... tight hard buns... and a very nice bulge... and whenever he walks into a room... women gasp, 'Oh, my God...'."

During the election campaign for the election of the American President, a campaigner from the Bush camp happened to meet his counterpart from the Clinton camp.

A conversation ensued, and expectedly, each began to boast of his methods of campaigning.

'Whenever we sit in a cab/ said the Bush supporter,' we give a few extra cents to the cabbie and ask him to vote for Bush.'

Not to be outwitted, the Clinton campaigners replied,' Whenever we take a ride in a cab, we too pay a few cents less to the cabbie, and then ask him to vote for Bush.'

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was
> Mypenis?
>
> - Mypenis ate my homework.
> - Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
> - Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.
> - I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a
> leash.
> - Mypenis doesn't come when I call it.
> - Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
> - I love giving Mypenis a bath.
> - At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.
> - Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
> - Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.
> - Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
> - Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
> - Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
> - I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
> - I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
> - Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
> - I think Mypenis is more...

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him' Father'.
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper............ Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Oh my God...'."