Whenever Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him' Father'. The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Your Grace'." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper... Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Oh my God...'."

THINGS TO DO AT A BORING MOVIE:
1. Wear a top hat and make sure you sit in front of kids.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juicy Fruits for your asthma.
7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devoius, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going to happen.
12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Ha ha ha" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire" and moon the more...

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you
hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you
wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you
mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve
yourself on it.
You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward off evil
dandruff spirits.
You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting
fire to his lawn decorations.
Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
You laugh out loud during more...

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking,
But a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely
BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

Three FASTEST means of Communication:
Tele-Phone
Tele-Vision
Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters
not their friends.

A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best
wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC

What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

Let us be generous like this:
Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT more...

yo mommas so fat that whenever she goes sunbathing greenpeace roll her back into the sea