Whip Jokes / Recent Jokes

A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up. One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner told them, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl said, "I'll go first." She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stopped dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawled up to her, and started licking her ankles. He continued to lick her calves, kissed them, and then rested his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth was on the floor. He said, "I've never seen a display like that in my more...

THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T...
"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops more...

It's Friday afternoon and the boss calls his salesman into the office and says that today they could close the big deal he's been working on. But it means the salesman must drive to Birmingham immediately.
Feeling lucky, the salesman immediately jumps in his car an sets of up the M1. He's making very good progress when, all of a sudden, his car breaks down. After having a look, he can see he will need assistance.
He tries the emergency phone - but it's broken. Then he attempts to flag down a passing motorist, but being Friday, they don't care and keep screaming past in their efforts to get home for the weekend.
So he sets of over the fields for help. After a while he comes across a high security double fence in the middle of know where, which he is forced to go around. There are 'Keep Out' and 'Government Property' signs everywhere and guard dogs between the fences.
Shortly he arrives at the entrance gate to the establishment. He asks the guard if he can use the phone. more...

Your momma is like miracle whip, she spreads for bread.