White Jokes / Recent Jokes

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.
The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"
Nah...they were white, her husband replied.
Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?
No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!
So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.
So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".
We'll go as Heshey Bars!
"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"
Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Clint. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked more...

This comes by way of a died in the wool New Yorker that I sometimes work with. Written by her mom, I think, but there are similar "diaries" floating around. Picture someone moving from the sun belt to the snow belt...
December 8:
6:00 p.m. and it has started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down all over the area. It was beautiful.
December 9:
We awoke to a big blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was covered by a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveway and sidewalks. Later, a snow plow came through and covered our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street, so I shoveled it again.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we will get some more before the winter is through.
December 14:
It snowed inches more...

What do you call a white man with a black man?
- A lawyer.
What do you call a white man with three black men?
- A victim.
What do you call a white man with five black men?
- A coach.
What do you call a white man with two hundred black men?
- A warden.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 30,000 black men?
- Postmaster General.

A little girl lived on a farm and had a white rabbit that she really loved. One day, when the 12 year old boy from the next farm over got off the school bus, he found his Rottweiler tossing the corpse of a mangled white bunny up and down. Recognizing the bunny as the little girl's, he knew there would be big trouble for his dog if anyone found out.
"What am I going to do," he thought to himself. He thought about it for a few moments and, being a good, honest boy, he decided to do the right thing and tell the neighbors what had happened. He got the dead rabbit away from his dog and took it to the neighbor's house. Unfortunately, they weren't home. So, he gently placed the rabbit back in its hutch and latched the door, intending to tell them later.
Half an hour later, as he was shooting hoops in his driveway, he heard piercing screams coming from the direction of the neighbor's farm. He immediately jumped on his bike and rushed over to see what was wrong.
The more...

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...

A white man and a black man were arguing vehemently about whether God was black or white.
"God, is white!" insisted the white man.
"No way," replied the black man, "I'm sure God's black."
"I'll prove to you God is white," said the white man, "Come with me."
Both men, thereupon, made the long ascension to the top of Mt. Sinai.
The white man called out, "God, hear my prayer! Please tell us what color
you are!"
From the heavens came down a booming voice. "I AM WHAT I AM!" echoed all over the mountain.
"There, you see!" said the white man, "God, is definitely white!"
"Well, how do you know God is white from what he said?"
"Well," remarked the white man, quite impatient at this point, "If God were black he would have said `AH IS WHAT AH IS.'"