Whut Jokes

Log on: making a wood stove hotter
Log off: don't add no more wood
Monitor: keeping an eye on the wood stove
Download: gettin the farwood off the truck
Mega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
Floppy disc: whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
Ram: that thar thing what splits the farwood
Hard drive: gettin home in the winter time
Prompt: whut the mail ain't in the winter time
Windows: what to shut when it's cold outside
Screen: what to shut when it's blak fly season
Byte: what dem flys do
Chip: munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip: whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem: whacha did to the hay fields
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard: whar ya hang the keys
Software: them plastic forks and knifes
Mouse: what eats the grain in the barn
Mouse Pad: that hippie talk for the rat hole
Main frame: holds up the barn more...

adenoids.....(n) Space critters whut are keepin' Elvis alive on Pluto anasthesia...(n) Rushun princess y'all red' bout in skool. antacid......(n) aloosinagenic drugs uzed by itty bitty bugz. bowel........(n) A alfabit letter lyke A, E, I, O, or U or why? bronchitis...(n) dinosour frum the plastikseen age; extinked. catscan......(v) lukin' fer hookers (don y'all do this) cauterize....(v) makin' eye contak with a hooker (berry dangerous) d & c........(n) Warshingtun; whar the weirdos, purvurts, & kongress type peepul live. emema........(n) sumone who ain't never no frend no how fester.......(n) yer unkles name (mos likelee) genital......(n) head of a army, fer sample, Genital Robert E. Lee heart........(v) when u cauz pain to some1 hypodermic...(n) huge, big, fat zoo crittur; mostly live in de woter mamogram.....(n) short note sent 2 yer ma er other female papsmear.....(v) when peepul sez veri ugli things bout yer pappy recovery.....(n) place wear yew fix up yer fernitur more...

Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony.
They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained from the big deed until this very night.
Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know..this ain't just our first time. It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you."
"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"
"I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night."
"Yore a VIRGIN??" He asked somewhat shocked.
"That's right. Please be gentle."
"Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home.
"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"
"Huh? more...

TOP15. Some of the myths about marriage... Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. His wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping more...

adenoids... (n) Space critters whut are keepin' Elvis alive on Pluto anasthesia...(n) Rushun princess y'all red 'bout in skool. antacid... (n) aloosinagenic drugs uzed by itty bitty bugz. bowel... (n) A alfabit letter lyke A, E, I, O, or U or why? bronchitis...(n) dinosour frum the plastikseen age; extinked. catscan... (v) lukin' fer hookers (don y'all do this) cauterize....(v) makin' eye contak with a hooker (berry dangerous) d & c... (n) Warshingtun; whar the weirdos, purvurts, & kongress type peepul live. emema... (n) sumone who ain't never no frend no how fester... (n) yer unkles name (mos likelee) genital... (n) head of a army, fer sample, Genital Robert E. Lee heart... (v) when u cauz pain to some1 hypodermic...(n) huge, big, fat zoo crittur; mostly live in de woter mamogram... (n) short note sent 2 yer ma er other female papsmear... (v) when peepul sez veri ugli things bout yer pappy recovery... (n) place wear yew fix up yer fernitur rectum... (v) whut happenz when yew drive more...