Willie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Willie: "I have an awful toothache."Tommie: "Id have it taken out if it was mine."Willie: "Yes, if it was yours, I would, too."

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT
December 17, 1998
'Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,
All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.
The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.
The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
While visions of perjury danced in their heads.
And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
Had just settled in for a long evening's nap.
When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.
With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!
More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let's forget about more...

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

I just got my new blue Lexus RX330. I returned it to Sterling McCall the next day with the complaint that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. Steve Machann, who sold me the car, explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Watch this!" He said, "Nelson!

The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" He continued....
and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,"Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs.
One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved just in time to avoid them.
"ASSHOLES!" I yelled.....
The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda, Barbra Streisand, and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on lead guitar, Ted Kennedy on rhythm guitar, Al Sharpton on more...

A Sunday School teacher asked little Willie who the first man in the Bible was."Hoss." said Willie."Wrong," said the teacher. "It was Adam.""Aw, shucks!" Willie replied. "I knew it was one of those Cartwrights."

Willie: "I have an awful toothache." Tommie: "I'd have it taken out if it was mine." Willie: "Yes, if it was yours, I would, too."

A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. Hes camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. "Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and weve seen you camped here. We didnt know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?"" Sir, Im not a vet, Im a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man."Can you please just have a look at him, Ill pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If hes still alive, maybe I can rush him into town.""Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing."Im sorry sir, but Im afraid poor Willie is dead." "No, I cant believe more...