Win Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive redhead comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless."
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES!
I WIN! I WIN!"
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Santa was playing rummy with his Alsation dog.
A passerby asked,' Sardarji, can your dog recognize the cards?'
Replied Santa,' Of course, but I win every time.'
The passerby asked,' How do you manage to win all the time?'
Santa replied,' You see, whenever he gets 4/5 jokers, his tail starts wagging. So I know it is time for me to pack up.'
When asked “What is a contingent fee? ” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing. ”
On the day of the local match, the captain was talking to one of his men.
'Look, here's a pound,' he said.' Go out and buy a new ball or something. Anything that'll help us win.'
The match began and the captain noticed that the same old ball was being used.
He called his man over.' What did you do with the pound?' he asked.
'Well, you said anything to help us win.'
'Yes.'
'I gave it to the umpire.'
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who more...
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said,' 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked.'' With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling' 'Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!'' She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling' 'YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!'' With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other,' 'What the hell did she roll anyway?'' The second dealer answered,' 'I thought you were paying attention!''