Wind Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."
1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again more...
The Lady of the manor lived on for many years after the old Lord had died. Indeed, she continued in the true blue-blooded ways to which the old Lord had always set the finest example, including maintaining their wide circle of august friends.
For this particular evening the old Lady had arranged a large dinner at the manor and of course the finest of aristocracy in the land had accepted invitations.
Unfortunately the old dear had developed a severe "wind" problem, shall we say. But being a pragmatist and CERTAINLY not prepared to even entertain the THOUGHT of cancelling the dinner, she summoned the butler before the first guests were due to arrive.
"George," she said, "You are of course aware of my WIND problem. No, no, do not hesitate, I KNOW you are! Just please do as I ask. Please see that you stand right behind me all evening, just in case I should need you".
"Yes, Ma'am," said George.
That evening, halfway through the more...
MAN:
1) Pull up to machine
2) Wind window down
3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN
4) Retrieve cash
5) Drive away
WOMAN:
1) Pull up to machine
2) Open door (too far away from machine)
3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card
4) Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair
5) Insert Card
6) Remove card
7) Insert card the correct way up
8) Search for piece of paper with PIN on it
9) Enter PIN
10) Enter correct PIN
11) Retrieve cash, put in bag
12) Drive off
13) Reverse back to machine
14) Retrieve card
15) Drive three miles away
16) Release hand-brake
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Wind up window
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Wind down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Re-check make-up in rear view more...
It was the convicts' cricket match. The fast bowler whizzed down a screamer which just missed, but a bail gently toppled off.
'Not out,' protested the batsman,' it was the wind.'
'Wind or not,' said the umpire,' you're out on bail!'
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so
intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a more...