Windows Jokes / Recent Jokes

Windows 3.1 Beer - The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

A recent survey of more than 1,100 technology professionals revealed that nearly 84% say that they will not be upgrading to the new Microsoft Windows 7 when it is released. Many are questioning the accuracy of the survey, however, stating that many surveys weren't completed as the result of an attractive woman entering the room and all of the participants fleeing in terror.

Windows 95 Beer - You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows 95: noun,
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a
16 bit patch to an
8 bit operating system originally coded for a
4 bit microprocessor, written by a
2 bit company that can't stand
1 bit of competition.

Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
Your hard drive has been scanned and all pirated software titles have been deleted.

Windows NT Beer - Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

If operating systems were beer
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you more...