Wins Jokes

A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks. One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your butt." They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look back and the is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing. They walk over to him and ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car."

He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes toAustin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the restspread out for the next 19 years." The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHTnow! I won it, and I want it." Again the man patiently explains that he would only get amillion that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, IWANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!

India wins Cricket match; 120 people die of shock
Bihar sold to Pakistan; Resulted In an unrelated incident: Literacy
soars up to 86% in India and in another interesting incident Pakistan's
literacy rate also increases by 50 %.
Population Statistics: 42% - Literate, 58%- Politicians.
Flood in Bihar; 2 die of thirst.
India wins Gold in India versus Rest Of India Games
Poverty to be eradicated in India using Virtual Reality Software.
Laloo to be made National Animal.
Ramar Pillai produces Pottasium Permanganate from rice, water, a
stick and some Pottasium Permanganate.
No bombings in Kashmir today
Suit filed holding Sharad pawar responsible for Battle of
Panipat, 1526.
Doctorate conferred on Jayalalitha for completing 2 months in Jail
Death penalty upheld for Attempted Suicide victim.

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...

There are TWO teams, with eleven players each (instead of nine as in baseball).

Instead of four bases, there are only two; in the middle of the field, sixty-six feet apart... all running is between the two bases... the ball can be hit in front, OR behind... or, in ANY direction.

Instead of rotating batting for nine innings each, EACH team does all its batting in a SINGLE inning.

The team scoring more runs wins the game.



[NOTE: Unlike baseball, where a pitcher rests every 10 or so pitches when the BATTING rotates, cricket pitchers rest every 6 pitches as their PITCHING rotates.]


The fielding team works with TWO pitchers at the same time.

The first pitcher throws from one base to the other. After six throws, the catcher moves around behind the first pitcher's base, pitcher #2 takes over. He makes six throws in the opposite direction (i. e. towards the starting pitcher's base). The two pitchers keep more...