Winter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July. The directions on the can said "put on two coats".

NBC plans to cover 835 hours of the Winter Olympics in aneffort to prove to viewers that they don’t always cancel programming thatnobody’s watching.

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a Son and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds and said; "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee, who happened to be strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as religious symbols, and the stable was on public property, where such symbols were not allowed to land, or even hover.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too."
Joseph had a bright idea "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and the ass?" he said, eager to avoid sectarian strife.
"That would more...

When I was a little boy, my family did not have a lot of money.
My father had a reasonably well paying job, but with four kids and
a dog, money was often tight. This is not to say that we were
deprived or unhappy. Our family did many activities together, but
our favorite was camping, which we did year-round, blazing heat or
freezing cold.
It was a great site to see the whole clan scrambling to get every-
thing together for a weekend trip. The whole family then piled
into our Chevy station wagon with a dog bigger than the three
smallest children put together. Dad would then tie down our
trusty tent to the top of the Chevy and off we would go.
Our tent was amazing in and of itself. It was an army surplus
tent, large enough for the whole family plus dog. It had survived
though rainstorms, snowstorms, and windstorms. It had twice been
uprooted from its stakes in high winds. (Makes me wonder why we
went camping in more...

A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.

Log On:
Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off:
Don't add no wood.
Monitor:
Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download:
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz:
When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk:
Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram:
The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive:
Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt:
What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows:
What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen:
What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte:
That's what the flies do.
Chip:
What to munch on.
Micro Chip:
What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared:
Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem:
What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix:
Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top:
Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard:
Where ya hang your keys.
Software:
Them plastic eatin' more...