Wishes Jokes / Recent Jokes
three men were walking in the woods and they came across a rock, and under the rock was a snail. the snail saw the men and told them that if they help him out of the rock then he would grant them one wish each. so they got the snail out and he asked for their wishes. the white man asked for a dick made of steel, the chinese man asked for a dick made of wood, and the black man asked for a three mile long dick. the snail granted their wish and told them to come back the next day if they wanted to change. the next day the first 2 men came back and wanted their wishes changed because their dicks were hurting their girl friends. so the snail turned them back to normal and they left. the snail wondered about the black man so he went and found him and asked him if he liked his wish. the man said "i love it, watch this. you see black that girl way down there, waaaay down there, waaaaaaay down there?" the snail said yes. the black man said " ungh i got her"
Genie bottle A guy is walking along the beach and he stumbles on a Genie Bottle. He rubs it and out pop two Genies. He makes three wishes. When he gets home, he hears a knock on the door and outside there are 20 beautiful naked women. Walking back inside he sees a briefcase sitting on his coffee table. Opening it he see $20 million dollars.
"Wow, my first two wishes have come true!" he yells.
He gets ready to do his thing with the women when he hears another knock on the door. When he opens the door there are two Ku Klux Klan guys.
First, they beat the him up, then they tar and feather him. Next, they take him out back and lynch him. When the KKK guys are sure he is dead, they take their hoods off to reveal the two Genies!
The first Genie turns to the second and says, "You know, I can understand his first two wishes but why would he want to be hung like a black man?"
Mrs Goldstein’s golfing special
Mrs Goldstein was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog looked up at her and said, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
Not a person to miss a trick, Mrs Goldstein immediately freed the frog. The frog thanked her and said "I’m sorry but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for yourself, Mr Goldstein will get ten times more or better!"
Mrs Goldstein replied, "That’s OK – I’m happy to accept your condition. For my first wish, I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.” The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make Mr Goldstein the most handsome man in the world, women will flock to him like bees to honey."
Mrs Goldstein replied, "It’s not a problem, because I will be the most more...
Walking out her front door one morning, a woman notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin!" she exclaims. "I've caught you, so now you owe me three wishes."
"OK, you did catch me fair and square. What is your first wish?" asks the goblin.
The woman thinks for a moment and replies, "I would like a huge, beautiful mansion to live in."
"All right, you've got it. What is your second wish?" the goblin asks.
"For my second wish, I would like a shiny, new Rolls Royce," she says.
"Ok, you've got that too," the goblin says. "What about your third and final wish?"
"My last wish is to have a million dollars," she replies.
"All right, you've got it. However, in order to make all your wishes come true, you must have sex with me all night," the goblin explains.
"Well... if that's what it takes... " says the woman.
The more...
A field engineer, a service assistant, and a manager are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the field engineer.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless."
Poof! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the service assistant. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those guys back in the office after lunch."
A guy from Nebraska, a guy from Michigan, and a guy from Ohio are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a bottle and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The guy from Nebraska says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Nebraska.
"With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming.
The Michigan guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Michigan, so that no one can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Michigan.
The Buckeye asks, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."
The Buckeye says, "Fill it up with water."
A drunk guy was stumbling home one day when he got lost and found himself in the bush. He fell to the ground and noticed a lamp. He picked it up, and rubbed it, and out came a genie.
"You have three wishes, choose them wisely." says the Genie.
The guy, looking down at his last, and empty, bottle of beer, smashes it on some rocks and says, "I want a beer that will never run out."
*Poof*
A bottle appears in front of the guy. He takes it, looks at it, and downs it. He looks at it again, and to his surprise, it was still full. The guy being very content starts walking away.
"Where are you going," asks the Genie, "You still have two wishes left!"
"Well," replies the guy, "Give me TWO more of these!"