Wishing Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a little boy was playing with his airplane in the dining room while his mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
He decided that it was time for the plane to come in for a landing.
He set it down on the table and said, "All you assholes who want to get off, get the hell off! All you assholes that want to stay on, stay the hell on!"
Hearing this, the boy's mother comes running out of the kitchen and says, "I can't believe that...where did you hear...go to your room until I call you!" "Okay, mom," says the boy as he sulks up to his room.
About an hour later, the boy's mom calls him back downstairs and says, "You are a young boy and we don't use that kind of language in this in this house."
"Okay," says the boy and goes back to playing with the airplane. "All right, all passengers wishing to depart the plane, please do so. All passengers wishing to remain on the plane, please do so. And all you assholes who more...
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed more...
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with more...
The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...
WIFE
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE - Without Information Fighting Every time!!!"
Wife replies," No, It means - With Idiot For Ever!!!"
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SANTA CLAUS
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother" Santa wrote back," send me your mother"
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SLEEP TALKING
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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WISHING WELL
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
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