Witty Remarks Jokes

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up? Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

You're so narrow minded that when you walk your earings knock together.

You're lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

I Have The Body Of A God. .. Buddha.

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me more...

1. I can see your point, but I still think you''re full of shit.
2. I don''t know what your problem is, but I''ll bet it''s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you''ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I''m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I''m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don''t work here. I''m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can''t understand a damn word you''re
saying.
10. Ahhhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You Remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don''t give a damn.
14. I''m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial more...

Q: How do you find a gay guy on a nude beach?
A: It's not hard.