Wonder Jokes / Recent Jokes
Superman and Spiderman
Superman and Spiderman are standing at a bar, Superman is looking a
bit down, - What's the matter? asks Spiderman. - Well to tell you the
truth, I haven't had "IT" for months and it's really getting to me, comes
the reply. - It's funny you should say that, on the way here I was
swinging past Wonder Womans flat and she was lying on her bed in the
altogether with her legs akimbo says Spiderman with a grin... - What do
you mean? asks Superman - Well with your powers you could dive in, do
the business and be out before she knows what hit her Spiderman
replies. - OK I'll do it........ Off he goes to Wonder Womans flat and
sure enough she's still lying on her bed as if waiting for something!! He
shoots through the window, does the job and flys back to the bar. -
Bloody hell says Wonder Woman, what was that? - I don't know - but
my arse is in pieces replied the Invisible Man
I wonder who closes the door after the bus driver gets out.
100 Reasons It's Good to Be a Woman
1. free drinks
2. free dinners
3. free lunches
4. free movies (you get the point)
5. you can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay
6. you can cry without pretending there's something in your contact
7. you know the truth about whether size matters
8. Speeding ticket? What's that?
9. you can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay
10. you actually get extra points for sitting on your butt watching sports
11. you don't have to try to laugh louder, deeper and harder than your buddies
12. if you never have a son, it's okay
13. if you do have a son, and he's a lousy athlete, it's still okay
14. if YOU'RE a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being
15. a new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life
16. in high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned
17. if you have sex with someone more...
Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Stevie mentions that they ought to get together and play a few holes.
"You play golf?!" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.
"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie more...
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
Home is where the house is.
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
It would be terrible if the Red Cross more...
Living in the Northridge/San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles, you still see a lot of earthquake damage and repairing going on. A couple of outdoor signs I've noticed recently, in which lettering was probably shook loose by the quake, is rather humorous:
At "SIMONE'S dRAPERY" on Parthenia Street, the 'd' fell off in drapery. It makes you wonder what Simone's business really is now.
And at California State University, Northridge, the music complex faces Nordhoff Street. For a while there, the 'i' was missing from "RECiTAL HALL". It probably made many people wonder what the heck was being taught in that building, or what darn sounds are really coming from that building.
The brain is a wonder ful thing Why do you say that? Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!