Woods Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to figure it out.
"What do I feel like," the first animal asked. "You have soft fur all over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail, two long ears, and a twitchy little nose." The first animal, full of joy, exclaimed, "I know what I am! I'm a bunny rabbit."
"Now it's my turn," said the second animal. The bunny felt him, describing, "You're very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You're cold, and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue that keeps darting out of your mouth."
"Damn," sobbed the second animal. "I'm a lawyer."

There are three men in the woods and they asked a dude if they could stay there for the night and he said yes as long as you dont f*** my dauhgter so the dude put gliter on his dauhters pussy and one mornig he told the three dudes to pull down there pants and the first dude had glitter on his d*ck so he chopped it off. the second dude had glitter on his d*ck to so he chopped it off as well and the third dude had glitter on his mouth.

Two men were walking through the woods when a large bearwalked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them.The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of runningshoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bearslowly approached them. The second man looked at the first, confused, and said, "What are you doing? Running shoes aren'tgoing to help, you can't outrun that bear." "I don't need to," saidthe first man, "I just need to outrun you."

Q. What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?
A. I'll never do that for two bucks again.
Q. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?
A. Drumsticks for everybody!

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The Man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs more...

How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that shes running out of the woods.

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"