Word Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you want the last word in an argument, say, "You're right."

Walking through the playground, a teacher noticed one of her students making faces at the other children.
She stopped and gently reprimanded the child. "Billy, when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that forever."
"Well, Ms Jones, you sure can't say you weren't warned!" replied Billy.

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".3.) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".4.) People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them.5.) And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.6.) You should not confuse your career with your life.7.) No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.8.) When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.9.) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up more...

Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last two years,
and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I
am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I
think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people
2,000 years ago.
Yours truly, A Commuter Dear Sir: We received your letter with
reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are
somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation
2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, The Railroad Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are
confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of
David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his
ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on
your train in the last two years.
Your truly, A Commuter

Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny's test again?
Jeff: Yes, but how did you know?
Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

A DONKEY was in the witness box. The cross-
examining lawyer addressing the court said, "Your
Honour, this gadha......" The witness shouted, "Your
Honour, I object to the insinuation."
The judge said-"But aren't you one?" The witness clarified, "It is not the word that matters. It is the manner in which the word is uttered and the meaning sought to be conveyed that matters."
The judge ruled-"Objection sustained."