Work Jokes / Recent Jokes

Politically Correct Little Red Riding HoodThere once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who livedon the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants thatwould probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time tostudy them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred toas "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would havethought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit andmineral water to her grandmother's house." But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people whohave struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages betweenvarious people in the woods?" Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had more...

' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

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(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on more...

A soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.
The sergeant said, “We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a
little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. “That's fine,”" he said. “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.”“But aren't you going to check the test?” the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned. “You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.”

Santa goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - Santa wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that his aunt had died. Santa assures the son that Auntie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - Santa again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that his grandmother had died. The father assures the son that she is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, grandmother dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare, he again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that his daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
Santa goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, Santa is scared for his life- he more...

By Alessandro Maccari
I consider anniversaries (and birthdays) generally meaningless, save for the
fact that they trigger reflection. Last month marked my fifth year in Finland as
a resident; I moved here on February 7, 1997, and, apart from a four-month break
the following winter, stayed ever since.
The recurrence prompted me a question: the same most Finns I meet ask me
(strangely, not Italians, who may be too busy wondering how cold it can possibly
get up here): why am I still here? What has kept me (and an ever-growing number
of foreigners) in Finland for such a long time?
This "footnote" is an attempt for an answer, in the form of a simple list of
good reasons to be in Finland. The list is subjective, biased and incomplete,
and, given that the carnival time is here, should be read with a light heart.
As a homage to Douglas Adams' memory and to Mark King's talents, the number of
good reasons to be in Finland that I have more...

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!""What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!"Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets." Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on thebirth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, "I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job...."

A man walks into the doctors office for his appointment... when the doctor comes to see him, he asks, "Whats the problem?" The man pulls down his pants and and shows the doc that he has an orange dick... Amazed at what he sees, the doctor runs a series of tests and the results show that the man has no type of sickness. The doctor asks, "Do you work in a place that is exposed to any chemicals?" "No, I don't work" he says. The doc asks, "Then what do you do all day?" The man responds, "I sit at home, watch porno movies and eat cheetos."