Work Place Jokes / Recent Jokes
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
A collection of documentation statements actually found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records:
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who more...
One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man, "Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. I have to get on this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and I'm sure that I will fall asleep. So, what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here is 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you, sometimes when people wake me up, I get really violent, but no matter what I do or say, you have to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"
The ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later, as the man had said,he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man, that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.
"Are you stupid or something? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't! I want my money back you more...
A Doctor dies and goes to hell. The devil greets him and tells him that since he was doctor, and did some good that he could choose his eternity. The devil opens the first door, there are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons. "Oh my God, I don't want that", the doctor replies.
The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts. "That one is even worse!" says the doctor, getting more nervous.
The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses."Sign me up for that eternity!" the doctor states. The devil then slams that door and says,"You can't go there, you weren't supposed to see that." The doctor states why can't I go there? The devil replies, "Well.... that's nurse hell."
The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo.
The Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.
Your assistant starts responding to your memos with, "Yeah, whatever."
I got a: It's for you loser" wav receiving e-mail instead of a chime.
My new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-18 last weekend.
The Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record.
Your boss asks if you still have a copy of your five-year contract.
You notice your co-workers measuring your cubicle when you arrive at work.
Your parking space is moved next to the Dumpster.
Your secretary says things like, "Get the phone, my nails aren't dry."
Your boss asks you to write a desk manual for your job.
The LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.
A large paper recycling box is placed next to your file more...
Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad more...
A doctor came out of a patient's room. So the nurse went in to check on her patient. There she found the husband scratching his head and frowning.
"What's wrong?" asked the nurse.
"Well, I don't think that doctor knows what he's talking about." The husband said.
"Oh, Really?" Replied the nurse.
"Yeah, He said my wife has acute angina. And I've seen it!"