World Jokes / Recent Jokes

# 31 Canola oil is actually rapeseed oil but the name was changed in Canada for marketing reasons.
# 32 The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
# 33 The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb
# 34 1 in 2000 babies are born with a tooth that is already visible.
# 35 The straw was probably invented by Egyptian brewers to taste in-process beer without removing the fermenting ingredients which floated on the top.
# 36 The New York Stock Exchange started out as a coffee house.
# 37 Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down hence the expression "to get fired."
# 38 In Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same.
# 39 It's possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.
# more...

A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one!
He adjusts his hat and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two!
He adjusts his hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
Once more, he throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three!
He thinks for a few moments about what just took place, then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!"

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

A doctor, an architect and a polotician were arguing over the oldest profession in the world.
The doctor said it was his job because Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure.
The architect said it was his job because before that there was chaos and the world was made from this chaos with an architect.
Then the polotician said "And who do you think caused all this chaos?"

I sometimes feel so bad about things that I wonder if I am sane. I see so many people acting so stupidly in the world, that what they do makes no sense. Maybe I'm the only sane person and everyone else is crazy! It seems like the world has gotten both stupider and nastier over the years, or at least the U.S. has.
It is the asinine stupidity - and plain arrogance - of people that makes me sick. The District of Columbia is damn near so bankrupt it would be "30c short of a quarter." The Financial Control Board gave a timid order to Mayor-for-life Marion "Snort, Snort" Barry to cut 6,000 city employees.
Washington is so obscenely overstaffed that the number of people that should be cut from its payroll is more like 60,000! This isn't cutting the payroll, this is giving it a manicure! People are practically calling this near-nothing cutback a "meat axe" approach!
All the while the city goes deeper into red ink. I'm thinking, when the city does go more...

-USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
-The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
-National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
-Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
-Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
-Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
-Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
-Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
-Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
-Readers Digest: 'BYE
-Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
-TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
-Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
-America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
-Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on more...