World Jokes / Recent Jokes

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the
air force. (Joke best delivered with a good thick accent)
"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong
air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and
suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.
(At this point, several of the children giggle.)
I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him
down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker
behind me."
At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh.
The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that' Fokker' was the
name of the German-Dutch aircraft company"
"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."

Greetings prospective White House interns!
This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet!
Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out:
* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
Sounds like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern:
"I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president. Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just more...

The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said "Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said "Dear, would you be able to get me a small more...

Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
History: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.
Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except more...

Shadken 2
A shadken goes to see a poor man and says, "I want to arrange a marriage for your son."
Martin replies, "I never interfere in my son`s life."
The shadken responds, "But the girl is Lord Rothschild`s daughter."
"Well, in that case..."
Next, the shadken approaches Lord Rothschild. "I have a husband for your daughter."
"But my daughter is too young to marry."
"But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank."
"Ah, in that case..."
Finally, the shadken goes to see the president of the World Bank.
"I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president."
"But I already have more vice presidents than I need."
"But this young man is Lord Rothschild`s son-in-law."
"Ah, in that case...."

Full page ad brought back from a recent trip, taken from the British
paper The Times (Feb 4 1989).
A full page picture of Ollie North is featured, with his right arm
raised, as if swearing before a court. The subtitle is:
"With a few notable exceptions, no one can transfer money
round the world more efficiently than us."
The ad continues:
We think it's time to come clean. Girobank has been
transferring large sums of money half-way round the world
for years.
It's hardly a risky business. Our centralised
international division, with its unique links to the
entire overseas Giro network, allows business to be
conducted at maximum speed and with the minimum of
bureaucracy.
And even if your transaction should prove difficult
(as it might in Nicaragua for example) we can provide
documentary collections, letters of credit, bonds and
guarantees.
...
All in all, Girobank adds up to less hassle and more...

The word "racecar", "kayak", and "radar" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

"a man a plan a canal panama" spelled backwards is still "a man a plan a canal panama"

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food FROM freezing.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming more...