Worried Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles
and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug
consumption problem all over the world. After giving it much
thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better
deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves
and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore
decided that a commission made up of some of the members return
to earth to get the different types of drugs.
The secret operation is effected and two days later the
commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven.
Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Mark"
Jesus opens the more...
Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics shed be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the o dds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his more...
A worried patient went to his psychiatrist." I'm in love with my horse," he said." But that's nothing," replied the shrink. "A lot of people love animals. For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much." "Ah, but doctor," the patient replied. "It's a sexual attraction that I feel toward my horse." "Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc. "What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?" "Female, of course," said the bloke. "What do you think I am, a faggot!"
Two cows are grazing in a pasture enjoying their grass. At around noon they decide to lay under a tree, chew their cud, and talk for awhile.
The first cow says to the other, "Have you heard about that awful new Mad Cow Disease?"
The second cow, chewing her cud says, "Yea, I heard about."
The first cow says, "Well, I'm really worried! I heard that a lot of the cows in the pasture down the road have caught it!"
The second cow says, "Yea I heard."
The first cow says, "Well you don't seem to worried about it!"
The second cow says, "I'm Not worried."
Irate now, the first cow says, "how can you just lay there, and not worry about such a horrible Disease!?"
The second cow says, "Easy, because I can't catch it"
The first cow says, "And Just What Makes Think That!!!"
The second says, "Because more...
Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig? He knows a little ham goes a long way.
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
"Stanley," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Stanley?"
"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when ½ of all Americans don't have health insurance?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, Question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his more...
Dear Santa,
We're worried about you. From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts.
The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Illinois. Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."
Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion. .. all things you may encounter this time of year.
The one bright note in Dr. Litt's message is more...