Worry Jokes / Recent Jokes
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a wantad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a verynervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself."I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "Butmainly, Im looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""Excuse me?" the accountant said."I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I dont want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.""I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?""Ill start you at eighty thousand.""Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such asmall business afford a sum like that?""That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Dear Mom,
Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only two of our tents and four sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Jeff when it happened. Oh yes, please call Jeff's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat.
We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Hector for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Hector said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. Larry is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car more...
100 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY!
(No offense intended or implied)
1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3) You know stuff about tanks.
4) A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5) Monday Night Football.
6) You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8) You can open all your own jars.
9) Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained
weight.
10) Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11) When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at
every shot of somebody crying.
12) Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
13) All your orgasms are real.
14) A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15) Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into
the boards).
16) You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere more...
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I
can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday,
thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten
dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows
their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures,
poor babies.
Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer
so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last
week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so
Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have
invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come.
I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has more...
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Two Lawyers were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left". Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". The Lawyer looked at the other Lawyer and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day".
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.