Worry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married:
Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering that I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost more...

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

13. The check is in the mail. 12. You get this one, I'll pay next time. 11. You look great. 10. Of course I love you. 9. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing. 8.. ..but we can still be good friends. 7. She means nothing to me. 6. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty." 5. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone. 4. I'll call you later. 3. I've never done anything like this before. 2. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you. 1. I DO.

a man went to the doctors office and said help my brother
is gay what should i do. the doctor said dont worry thats okay.
so the next week the same man goes to the doctors and said
help doc my other brother is gay. and the doctor said. oh well
dont worry thats pretty natural these days. the next week that same
guy goes to the doctor and says doc! i just found out my dad is gay
and the doctor says doesnt anyone in your family like girls?
and the man says yeah my sister does..

There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.

He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.

Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don; t worry it will go away.

Then the little boy runs down stairs, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don't worry about it, it will go away.

Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down - "honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!"

You don't need a partner to juggle
Having blue balls isn't a bad thing
Jugglers aren't judged by the size of their balls
Don't have to wear protection
Don't have to worry about how many other people your partner has juggled with
After juggling, you can do it again right away
Easier to keep your balls in the air for long periods of time
Don't need nine months to recover from a mistake
When you finish, your balls are still as hard as when you started
Don't have to worry if your juggling partner is a minor