Worse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had just transferred, answered an emergency call. When they walked into the house, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

"No doubt about it," the new deputy said, "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

"You're right," the experienced deputy replied. "But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say,' it could have been worse'."

"No way. You're on."

The old sheriff arrived at the scene. "No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was a double murder and suicide." After hesitating for a moment, the old more...

"Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad""I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead""Husband and Cat Lost... Reward for Cat""Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton""Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt""Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes... Use Birth Control""If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees""If You Can Read This... Kiss A Teecher""Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up""If You Remember the' 60s, You Weren't Really There""Procrastinate Now""Rehab Is for Quitters"(Across a drawing of a skeleton) "Waiting for the Perfect Man""My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse.... ... He Couldn't do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse""The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Harley"

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A woman that won't do what she's told.

We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!

When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.

Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much.

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.

You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you'll do.

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!

I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.

Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.

I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by more...

There is one big difference between genius and stupidity; genius has limits.

Things are more like today than they ever were before.

Things could be worse; suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.

Things get worse under pressure.

Things go right so they can go wrnog.

Thinking is hard work. One can`t bear burdens and ideas at the same time.

This "law" has been intentionally left blank.

This "law" was inadvertently left blank.

This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks.

This space for rent.

And I thought nothing could top Hormel`s pickled eggs. ..

8. Meeter`s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that`s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.

7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.

6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you`re really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you`ll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? Having your dentist tell you.