Worst Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I more...

Three old blokes were discussing aging at the nursing home.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year old. "You always feel like you have to piss. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all bloody day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble pissing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I have a piss every morning at 6: 00. I piss like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?"
"Hell no! I crap every morning at 6: 30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You piss every morning at 6: 00 and crap every morning more...

The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs. .. 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...

This little short guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink.
He's been sitting there for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
The poor little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time." says the truck driver.
I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life." says the little guy between sobs.
"I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered I had forgotten my wallet in it.
At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this bar and was thinking about putting an end to my life, and you show up and drank the damn poison."

World's Worst Pick-up Lines... I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long. Excuse me, do you have your phone number? I've seem to have lost mine. I'm new in town, could I more...

Q: What are the four worst words you could hear during a round of golf? A: It's still your turn!

Jon John, the world's worst basketball player, was arrested and charged
with brawling in a public place. He pleaded guilty and threw himself at the
mercy of the court... and missed.