Worst Jokes / Recent Jokes

My favorite member of the British royal family (make that my favourite member) is Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh and husband to Queen Elizabeth II. He gets my vote not only because of our shared first name, but also because of his wonderful habit for saying the very worst thing at the worst possible time -- and always when microphones are about.

Prince Philip's gaffes have brought grief to many royal handlers, but there is a good number of Brits who secretly love his foot-in-mouth disease. While I acknowledge Prince Philip's penchant for the politically incorrect, I have to admit that he is hilarious in a Borat sort of way.

Via Wikipedia, I bring you the best of Prince Philip:

Speaking to a driving instructor in Scotland, he asked: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"After accepting a gift from a Kenyan citizen he replied, "You are a woman, aren't you?""If it has four legs and is more...

The Better Transportation Association is sponsoring the "Worst Road in Maine" contest. South Carolina governor Mark Sanford says the worst road in Maine is the Appalachian Trail, although its not as bad in Maine as it is when you get to Argentina.

No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime. Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instuctor. Every par-three hole in the world has a more...

It was the night of the worst blizzard of the year. The streets were filled with drifting snow, and the winds were howling fiercely. A man, covered with snow and frost, enters a bakery. He says to the baker, "I'll have one roll."
The baker wraps the one roll and asks if there's anything else he can get him.
"No, that's it," says the man, "just one roll."
The baker says, "You came out on the worst night of the year to buy just one roll?"
The man says, "Yes, for just one roll."
The baker asks, "Are you married?"
The man says, "Of course. Do you think my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

There is three girls who are dead and they're waiting to get into heaven. Well the man at the gates said, " there was a shootout down on thirty fourth street and we have to send a few people down to he**.Plus, you girls' records are toooooooo clean, if you can go back to earth and do the worst thing possible in 6 hours, i will let all of you in." with that they were sent back down to earth and they only had 5 hrs and 55 min to do the worst thing possible. The first girl robbed the bank on 33rd street and the second girl killed her father. when they went back up to heaven the man asked them what they did the first girl replyed, " i robbed the bank on 33rd street." so he let her drink the holy water and go into heaven. Next he asked the second girl what she did and she replyed, "i killed my father." The man was blown away but he let her drink the water and go into heaven. Last he asked the remaining girl what she did and she said, "I peed in the holy more...

Top Ten Caddy Comments
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer more...

Children's worst book titles!
You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly! Getting More Chocolate on Your Face Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Animals of North America-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes! All Dogs Go to Hell The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog? Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Bi-Curious George Daddy Drinks Because You Cry You Are Different and That's Bad Dad's New Wife Gerald Pop! Goes The Hamster-And Other Great Microwave Games Testing Homemade Parachutes With Your Household Pets The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad Babar Meets the Taxidermist Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables Start a more...