Worst Jokes / Recent Jokes
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. more...
The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.
The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."
Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.
Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"
"Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every more...
Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home."Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !""Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all.""Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old."No... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all.""Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old."No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap more...
A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.
After one week, a test was held.
The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird’s legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.
The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.
The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.
Finally, he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test paper on the teacher’s desk.
“This is the worst test I have ever given. ”
The teacher looked up and said, “Young man, you have flunked the test. What’s your name? “
The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, “You tell me”.
The Top 16 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortunes
16'What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?'
15'Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.'
14'Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.'
13'It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.'
12'You will meet a tall, dark man, not a stranger, who will kill you. He will kill Ron also.'
11'This coupon good for free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.'
10'Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan.'
9'Spouse mad at you. No get special' wonton pork' tonight, Chester.'
8'Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids.'
7'A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.'
6'An 87 year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let's see you add' ...between the sheets' to that one, smart guy.'
5'Man who look to more...