Write Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tom: Do You Write With Your Left Hand Or Your Right Hand? Bob: Neither I Write With A Ball-Point Pen.
15. Virgin or not, time to move little Miss Britney to the
"Naughty" list.
14. Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox
knock-offs.
13. Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock
certificates instead.
12. Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding
information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.
11. Administer nine little Breathalyzer tests.
10. File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16
wasting the sleigh.
9. Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too
careful!
8. Remove candy canes from pants pockets during mall photo
sessions -- getting tired of explaining things to the D. A.'s
office.
7. Write letter to self asking for threesome with Mrs. Claus and
Heidi Klum.
6. Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen.
5. Attend weekly meeting at more...
D y n a m i c D e i t y M a n a g e m e n t L t d .
=========================================================
Date :- 3rd May 0023
TO:
Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
Judea.
Dear Sirs,
It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and
publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he
is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published
in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the
highest authority.
However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life
and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
That the title of the book be 'The Holy Bible' and not as you
propose, 'Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin
Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests more...
College by Dave Barry Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: * Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. * Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to more...
The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
A scholar was preparing to take the civil examinations. His wife was very puzzled by his constant worrying. "Look at you, you worthless wretch," she said. "Your probably think that it's more difficult for a man to write an essay than for a woman to give birth to a child." "How's that?", she asked. "You women can bear children easily because you carry the child in your stomach", the scholar said. "But I have nothing in my head, so how do you expect me to think of something to write?"
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."