Wrong Jokes / Recent Jokes

Britain's outgoing Prime Minister Tony Blair will speak out against the execution of Saddam Hussein, calling the way it was carried out "completely wrong," officials at Downing Street told CNN.

President Bush responded by asking, "Does that mean Saddam is still alive?"

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)***I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the more...

A blonde woman was seated next to a man on a flight & wanted to take a nap. The man asked her if she'd play a game. She said no. "It'll be fun," he said. "No thanks," the blonde replied. The man then said "Let me tell u the rules. I'll ask u a question, & if u get it wrong, pay me $5, & vice-versa." Again, the woman said no. The man grew angry. "Okay, I'll ask u a question, & if u get it wrong, pay me $5. But if u ask ME a question & I get it wrong, I'll pay u $500." The annoyed woman finally gave in. He went first. "What’s the earth’s diameter?" The blonde reached into her wallet & gave him $5. Then the blonde asked him "What goes up a hill with 2 legs & comes down with 3?" Perplexed, the man pulled out his laptop & began searching the web. After an hour of him researching & making calls, the woman had dozed off. The man woke her & gave her $500. She thanked him & then went on napping. Frustrated, he asked more...

Proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general Proof.
Proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
Proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
Proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
Proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your Proof is useful.
Proof by omission:
'The reader may easily supply the details'
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
Proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
Proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
Proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
Proof by eminent authority:
"I saw more...

HIS and HERS Road Trip HERS: Pulls off at wrong exit. opens window asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer Arrives at destination presently. HIS: Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case. Finally rolls down window just to get fresh airPulls up to a 7 -11 Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway. Gets back into car. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was. Almost hits a deer Curses the night Curses you Curses the large slurpee Drives and fiddles with radio. Yells at you for suggesting the map again Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway. He hates your sister. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel He had to more...

There's nothing wrong with gluttony, providing you don't overdo it.

One day a blonde walks in to work and is hysterically crying. Her boss comes over to ask her what's wrong and she says "my sister just called - her mom died". Her boss nicely offers to give her the day off but she refuses. A few hours later her boss comes over to check on her and she is hysterically crying again. He asks her what is wrong and she says "my sister just called - my mom died too."