Wrong Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy rings neighbor's doorbell & a lovely blonde woman answers the door.
"Is Ed here?" he asks.
"Yes, but he's in the shower," she says.
"I really need to see him but I am in quite a rush, and I can only wait a couple of minutes," he says. As he waits, he continues, "being your neighbor, it might be wrong of me to say so, but my dear... you have the loveliest rack. I've got $100 if you'll show me."
"Oh Mike, that is so wrong. On the other hand, we sure could use the money," she says as she pulls up her top.
"Wow! That was worth every cent, but beyond that you also have the cutest ass I've ever seen. I'll give you another $100 to show me the rest of your stuff."
"Oh Mike, that's awful but Ed's in the shower so he won't know and another $100 really would help around here," she says, dropping her shorts.
"Well I gotta go. Tell Ed I stopped by, OK?" Mike leaves, and a few minutes more...

Tiger woods go to china for a golf game with a local Chinaman, The night before the big even he decides to go out into town and get him self a young prostitute. After buying her few drinks and full course meal, they retire to his hotel for the big event. During the action the girl starts to get louder and even screams of words that Tiger couldn't understand or comprehend.
He thought to him self hmm that probably a sign of enjoyment and he continued even faster and harder. The girl got louder and there was a tone of moaning of slight roughness and she started screaming " Masatho Masotho, Masatho owww weeee owwww Mosotho." Tiger for sure that that meat ohhh it feel so good. This went on for the night.
The next day at the golf course, with the Chinaman he starts his game and decide to let the chinaman put first. After successfully birding the put Chinaman stands fast for Tiger to put Tiger with great confidence puts and birdies and looks at the Chinaman takes a loud more...

Three duffers were out golfing with the club pro one day. The first duffer teed off and hit a dribbler about 60 yards. He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?"The pro replied, "Loft."The next golfer teed off and duck hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question.The pro again answered, "Loft."The third teed off and sliced into a pond. He too asked the pro, "What did I do wrong?"Again, "Loft."As they were walking down the fairway, the first duffer finally spoke up to the pro."All three of us hit completely different tee shots and yet when we asked you what we did wrong, you gave the same exact answer every time. So what does Loft mean?"The pro shook his head and said, "Lack of Friggin' Talent!"

We need
= I want
It's your decision
= The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want
= You'll pay for this later
We need to talk
= I need to complain
You're...so manly
= You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight!
= Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
= I've got my period
This kitchen is so inconvenient
= I want a new house
I want new curtains
= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes
= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there
= NO, I mean hang it there
I heard a noise
= I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?
= I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me?
= I did something today you're not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute
= kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt more...

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said this person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed. Adam asked God what would a woman like this cost him?? God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib???"

What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.

Teacher: Pappu, how do you spell “crocodile”?

PAPPU: “K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L”

Teacher: No, that’s wrong

Pappu: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!