Yellow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of
the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship?
Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your
mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these
things. We therefore rush to print with an emergency prompt list
of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.

"You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..."
"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
"What the heck do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knot?"
"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry
that sucker."
"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse more...

21. ELETELEPHONY
once there was an elephant
who tried to be a telephant;
no no, I mean an elephone
who tried to be a telephone.
(Dear me I am not certain quite
that even now i've got it right)
how e'r it was he got his trunk
entangled in the telephunk
the more he tried to get it free,
the louder buzzed the telephee.
(i fear i'd better quit this song
of elehop and telephong.)
22. Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow,
grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
23. Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
24. Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
25. Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
26. Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and more...

Two guys, John and Jake, are training the art of parachutism.
At 12 000 feet, they jump out of the plane. By pulling the yellow cord, the parachute should unfold.
This does happen to John. Gently he floats in the air. Unfortunately this doesn't happen to Jake, no matter how hard he pulls the yellow string, nothing happens. He's fallen straight down to earth.
John shouts to him: "Don't make a fuss of it, it's just a practice jump!"

A Man went for a job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind was shouting "Not this man! ! " Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told the man, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, maybe I will give you a chance! " "The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black". The man thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go Green, Green, and then I went to Pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Wrong number. Don't Purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok? "

Your momma is soo fat that when she went to New York City in a yellow swim suit, people called out "Hey taxie"!

There was a snail who went to a car dealership one day. The dealer came out and asked "How can I help you?"

"Well," says the snail, "I want a car, but not just any car. I want it to be the fastest car you have."

"Okay," the dealer replied, "Anything else?"

"Yes," the snail said. "Could you paint it green with bright yellow S's on it?"

"Um, okay. It will be ready by next week. Come get it then."

"Great," said the snail and he left.

The following week, the snail returned and was overjoyed to see his bright green new car with yellow S's on it. The dealer looked at him and said "Just one question. Why did you want our fastest car painted bright green car with S's on it?"

The snail replied, "So that when people are walking down the street, they will turn and look and say' Look at that S car go!!!'"

Why is cum white and urine yellow?
So you can tell if you're coming or going!