Yer Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue." Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired." But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain...""Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtownand sit a while till the sarge gets back." "But, officer, I think you really should know...""And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods. Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern. Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick. Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro. Cache - Needed when you go to da store. Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name. Terminal - Time to call da undertaker. Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited. Digital - The art of counting on your fingers. Diskette - A female Disco dancer. Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking. Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos. Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair. Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere. Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food. Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers. Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall. Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live. Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line. Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test. Rom - more...

A Kansas farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is yer Dad home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is yer Mother here?"

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It"s about your more...

' Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailerNot a creature was stirrin'' Cept a redneck named Taylor. His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle, And a-runnin' down his chin Was a trickle of spittle. His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care, And therefore there was a foul stench in the air. That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys. There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11; Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7. John, George and Chucky Were 5, 4, and 3: The twins were both girls So they let them be. They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt, Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk. They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall. There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all. Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll! The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw." Maw was expecting And needed her sleep, So out they crept out the door without making a peep. They all looked around, and then they all spit. The young'uns asked Bubba, more...

'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer

Not a creature was stirrin'' Cept a redneck named Taylor.

His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,

And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.

His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,

And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.

There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;

Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.

John, George and Chucky Were 5, 4, and 3:

The twins were both girls So they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt,

Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.

They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.

There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll!

The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer more...

This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager.

The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes, "Brrr!".

The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says, "Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!"

The gremlin says, "Ain't got none!" "Well, I'll cut off yer prick!" "Ain't got one of them, neither." says the gremlin.

"Well, how do ya pee?"

The gremlin smiled and said, "Brrr!"

How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much? Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt... Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..