Yes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Questions are asked by lawyers.
Answers are given by witnesses.
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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said,' Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
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Q: Let me get this straight, Mrs. Clarkson. Despite the
fact that you had hired detectives to watch your
husband's every move, you yourself stood on that
corner every night, in all kinds of weather,
watching your more...

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality.. ..
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not more...

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
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In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
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In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
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During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you more...

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me.. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are some one and you want to talk to any one! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan, our brother, is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm more...

Teacher: Didn't You Promise To Behave? Dumbo: Yes, Sir. Teacher: And Didn't I Promise To Punish You If You Didn't? Dumbo: Yes, Sir. But Since I Broke My Promise, I Don't Expect You To Keep Yours.

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is' Microsoft'?"Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called' Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"Data "Yes, Captain. But when' Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an' upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially more...

A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking. "Yes," the pet store owner said, "this bird has a vocabulary of about 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions." The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back and said the parrot had yet to say a word. "That's to be expected," said the pet shop owner. "Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you." Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot's owner returned and said there still had been no talking. "I see," said the pet shop owner. "Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it." A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same more...