Zero Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is an excerpt of an article in the April issue of Saturday Night magazine by John Fraser the (now) former editor.
For those who don't know, the province of Ontario has set in place a policy of "zero tolerance" for harassment and discrimination at universities. This excerpt really pokes fun at the potential misuse and abuse of such a policy.
Dear H & D officer,
I am a female graduate student with an alternative lifestyle. Our history department has invited an international scholar named Simon Schama to lecture here next month. The title of his talk is "Dykes and Discord: The role of land reclamation in 17th century Dutch domestic policy." Posters have been plastered all over our campus, causing snickering, and I have been made to feel uneasy. Does the FRAMEWORK have any remedy?
You bet it does! There is "zero tolerance" for anything that makes you feel a loss of self-esteem, and the FRAMEWORK clearly states the "visitors more...

An irate father stormed into the principals office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination." "Now, dont get excited," said the principal. "Well get your Winslows English teacher in here. Im sure she has some explanation." A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived. "Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final?" demanded the father. "I had no choice," said the schoolmarm. "He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it." "Thats no excuse," shouted the father. "You could have at least given him an A for neatness!"

All the numbers went to a party and numbers being what they are, all
the evens stayed around each other and all the odds did the same and
neither group interacted with each other. Whilst two was chatting to
four he noticed zero was on his own in the corner and suggested to
four that because zero is sort of even he should be encouraged to mix
with even numbers - four agreed. So off went two to invite zero into
their little group. "Would you like to join our little group" enquired
two, to which zero replied "I have nothing to add!"

Long ago, a mathematician used to cheat people. Once he borrowed Rs. 4000/- from a rich man. After a few days, he borrowed Rs. 2000/- from the same man. Many days passed, the mathematician did not return the money to the rich man. The rich man went to the mathematician and asked to return the money.
But to his great surprise, the mathematician replied that there is no need to pay the debt. "See here, friend" said the mathematician " the sum of 4000 and 2000 is equal to zero, so I do not have any balance to pay". The rich man took the matter to the court. When the judge came to know this, he was astonished.
He asked the mathematician to prove that sum of 4000 and 2000 is zero, and not 6000. The Clever mathematician agreed. He said:
let a = 4000, b = 2000 and c = 6000
a b = c
Multiply both sides by a b
(a b) (a b ) = c (a b)
a² ab ba b² = ca cb
a² ab - ca = cb - b² - ba
a( a b -c) = -b(b a - c)
so.... a = more...

Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle anda banner that said' N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymnsto The Great Nullity, The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero inthe Sky. Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and wispered,..... ..... "Is Nothing Sacred?"

When NASA first started sending up astronauts they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity upside down underwater on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.

The Russians use a pencil.

Bill's friend Harry was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
The next morning his wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Not sure when Harry gets out of the Hospital.