Zoo Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two drunkards wandered into a zoo and as they staggered past a lion's cage, the king of beasts let out a terrific roar.
"C'mon, let's get out of here," said the first drunk.
"You go ahead if you want to," replied his more inebriated cohort. "I'm gonna stay for the movie!"
Why did the elephant walk on two feet? To give the ants a chance! Why do elephants have trunks? Because they've no pockets to put things in! Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain? To stop getting wet! What do elephants do in the evenings? Watch elevision! How to elephants talk to each other? By' elephone! What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn't recognize them! When do elephants have 8 feet? When there are two of them! What did the elephant say to the famous detective? It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock! Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants"Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!" What do you do if you find a blue elephant? Try and cheer him up!
Caller: Finally! I got through! Ive been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.
As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.
They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts,
But Hey!
He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"
The lion races over to him, places his paws on more...
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnus ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Marys turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNUS EAR!
A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said,' That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
' No way,' said the keeper,' it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
' Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor,' but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
' The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'