"22 Jokes of Zen" joke

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
10. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
11. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
12. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
13. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
14. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
15. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

16. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped. Then things get worse.
17. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
18. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
19. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
20. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday... around age 11.
21. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
22. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.